I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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