Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
