She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Pants are for mortals
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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