New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We got so high we made milksteak
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
