Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
