Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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