He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
