Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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