what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
