The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize