Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We have so much sex to catch up on
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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