Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I am one with the molecules
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
