i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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