i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
