I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
