Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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