Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
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