i already hear my dad disowning me
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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