I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Randomize