peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize