Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
