Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Found the puke drawer
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
