my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
