Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
