i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
