I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
