He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
