I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm bleeding and have questions
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
