My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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