mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
