Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
