do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
