How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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