We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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