dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
now i know why i became what i already was.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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