you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
there is glitter all over my balls
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