She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
