is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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