Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
