You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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