They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
