No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
