Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
