he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
