I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
is wine microwaveable?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
