I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
