is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Terrible idea I love it
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
