Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
