Apparently you make a good broom.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
