That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
