you would pick up someone in the library
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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