i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize