the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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