allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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