so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
