hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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