guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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