Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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