dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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