Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm like, not good at living.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
