oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You're breaking my sexual little heart
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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