Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
