Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
