I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
